Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize