He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
