i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
