can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
