ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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