I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
