Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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