kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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