I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
