i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
