That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
