And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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