I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
