You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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