I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
