cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have grass duct taped all over my body
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
