If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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