I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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