Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
