i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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