got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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