john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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