you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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