If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize