he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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