I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
