PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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