Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
