I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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