The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
