I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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