somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
