her vagine was all disorganized.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
