I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
