Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize