I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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