He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
