yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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