Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
