hotel room ftw
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
