I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
