They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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