Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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