Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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