1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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