My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
