Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
