As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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