You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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