Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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