I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
