just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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