i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
