Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
