Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
