we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
