he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize