dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
