you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
