Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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