Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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