someone owes me an orgasm
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
