i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
