she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She even gives head with a lisp.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wear drunk well.
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