yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
