The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
