i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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