It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will pee on everything he values.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
