she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
