I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
