If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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