I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
