Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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