I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
