I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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