ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
